The other day, during my trip to Houston, I had a little episode that I think I just need to vent about.
The day started so beautifully, as I got to meet up with my friend Brandon at Southpaw Guitars in Houston. It is the only left-handed guitar store that I know of, and it's also my personal slice of heaven. We stayed there for about two and a half hours jamming together, talking to the owner about the history of the store, and just catching up. After we finished up we decided to go watch "Avatar," so we headed to the theater to get the tickets and find somewhere to eat.
Well, the choices were not so hot around the area, but we decided to go to Red Robin. Once we got in there I got this huge craving for a bacon cheeseburger. Before I started working out all the time and watching what I ate, a bacon cheeseburger is all I ever got when I ate there. I tried to talk myself out of it, but it was like I couldn't control myself. I ordered the burger, and when it got to the table I have to say it looked like a million dollars.
The lettuce looked so fresh; the hamburger looked perfectly cooked; the bacon's aroma set off flashbacks to my days of late-night grilling at the Fuplex. (My residence for the better part of my college years, and a bastion of unhealthy living choices across the board.) As I devoured the hamburger I thought about a lot of things: What my trainers would think right now? What am I thinking right now? What if someone who knew about my weight loss battle saw me eating like this...
I was slowly killing myself eating a burger.
I felt so horrible about a burger. It was awful. I couldn't even enjoy it. As we finished up and went to the movie I felt so bloated and disgusted with what I had done. A lot of feelings that I had felt before this whole thing started to come back, and though I was hiding my feelings well from, inside there was a battle between my head and my heart. My head was saying "It is just a hamburger-- you ate well the entire rest of the day and you won't eat anything like that for the rest of the week," but my heart was saying "This is the beginning of the end, all that hard work for nothing."
Thankfully, the movie didn't happen.
I got to go home, but I spent the next two hours resisting working out because I wasn't supposed to do any heavy cardio or lifting while in Houston. That lasted about 2 hours before I gave in to the temptation of working out. A 2 mile jog later and my back was killing me and my legs were throbbing in pain, but somehow I felt a little better. That didn't last either, because I had just broken two rules with my trainers. It wasn't a good way to start my week without training. I am now learning that my weight is just one issue that I need to deal with during this time. I also need to find a way to contain my compulsive tendencies so that I can live my life without constantly being worried about things like eating one burger, or trying to fix it by doing something I shouldn't do. Hopefully I can fix my interior as I smooth out the exterior of myself in the next 7 months.
1 comment:
Ricky - I don't think you should beat yourself up quite so badly about this bump in the road. The journey of weight loss is hard, whether you are trying to loose 10 lbs or 100 lbs. We all have temptations and occasionally we succumb to them, but what I love about this story is that you didn't blow the rest of your day because you made one bad decision. You stopped yourself there and said, 'okay that was bad but I can do better at my next meal'. So many times people 'cheat' the diet, feel awful and then the mind set of 'oh well I already blew my day I might as well eat like shit for the rest of it"...which then makes it that much harder to get back on track the next day and that much easier to cheat again. I am proud of you! You should give yourself more credit - what you are doing is REALLY hard and you have been successful for 5 months!!! You just have to learn from these situations, because you better believe sometime down the road your going to have another craving for a bacon cheeseburger (or some other delicious treat), but it is all about how you handle it. Hang in there!
ps: You look awesome!
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